I have a more current site and blog at www.RadicalAcceptanceParenting.com ...See you there!
Peace,
Beki
Friday, February 26, 2010
Friday, April 10, 2009
Happy Anniversary
It has been one year since my grandchildren have come to live with me, without their mom (my daughter). It's a long story, to be saved for another day.
This past Wednesday (April 8) A. had meltdown after meltdown; I couldn't tell what the catalyst was, and was a bit mystified...then I realized what date it was: a year to THE EXACT DAY of the "permanent" transition to my home. Now A., 7 years old, was, I'm sure, not aware in her conscious brain of the anniversary; but I have no doubt that her little body and her unconscious mind were grieving anew the loss of Mom as she knew her, and the incredibly truncated relationship that she now has with her.
In other times, I likely would have grown impatient, even hostile and punitive, about A's regressive behaviours, the extreme neediness, the "irrational" upsets over "minor" disappointments. Fortunately, I was able to connect with the fact that something big was going on for her, even though I didn't yet know what it was. I was able to simply be present to her pain, to offer (mostly silent) empathy, and hold the space for her to have her experience, without judgement. Eventually, the big feelings worked their way through, and A fell into a deep, untroubled (I'm guessing, at least it appeared that way) sleep.
As for me, I guess I'm learning to accept these episodes for what they are. It's not about me, or my skills as a parent, or grandparent. It is a normal response to the deeply painful experiences of a little girl who misses Mommy.
This past Wednesday (April 8) A. had meltdown after meltdown; I couldn't tell what the catalyst was, and was a bit mystified...then I realized what date it was: a year to THE EXACT DAY of the "permanent" transition to my home. Now A., 7 years old, was, I'm sure, not aware in her conscious brain of the anniversary; but I have no doubt that her little body and her unconscious mind were grieving anew the loss of Mom as she knew her, and the incredibly truncated relationship that she now has with her.
In other times, I likely would have grown impatient, even hostile and punitive, about A's regressive behaviours, the extreme neediness, the "irrational" upsets over "minor" disappointments. Fortunately, I was able to connect with the fact that something big was going on for her, even though I didn't yet know what it was. I was able to simply be present to her pain, to offer (mostly silent) empathy, and hold the space for her to have her experience, without judgement. Eventually, the big feelings worked their way through, and A fell into a deep, untroubled (I'm guessing, at least it appeared that way) sleep.
As for me, I guess I'm learning to accept these episodes for what they are. It's not about me, or my skills as a parent, or grandparent. It is a normal response to the deeply painful experiences of a little girl who misses Mommy.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
This is a test...only a test...
Welcome to Radical Acceptance Parenting, where IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU!
Leaning strongly into the Beyond Consequences parenting paradigm (but not rigidly attached to it), our time here will be focused on helping YOU, the parent of a challenging child, explore how it is that a typically sweet, precious child can sometimes (and perhaps several times each day!) turn you into a RAVING MANIAC. (Something about your childhood, and maybe how you were parented, d'ya think?)
And, along with learning HOW this happens...We will look at ways to heal the hurts that we find. And, we will have fun, because otherwise...What's the point?!?
More to come soon...
Leaning strongly into the Beyond Consequences parenting paradigm (but not rigidly attached to it), our time here will be focused on helping YOU, the parent of a challenging child, explore how it is that a typically sweet, precious child can sometimes (and perhaps several times each day!) turn you into a RAVING MANIAC. (Something about your childhood, and maybe how you were parented, d'ya think?)
And, along with learning HOW this happens...We will look at ways to heal the hurts that we find. And, we will have fun, because otherwise...What's the point?!?
More to come soon...
Thursday, March 19, 2009
newbie
So...I just created this blogsite on Blogger; I'm curious as to what it will look like, and what I can do with it! I wonder if I can post a link to, say, http://www.bekisciacca.com/ ! Or, http://www.beyondconsequences.com/!
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